Slowly Disappearing

"I don’t want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing..."

thethornswehangonto — Sat, 06 Apr 2013 09:32:23 +0100

“I don’t want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can’t even see it, something that’s drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.”

- Margaret Attwood

I think my appetite has left me again. This pleases me no end. There have been so many things...

thethornswehangonto — Sun, 05 Jun 2011 21:23:56 +0100

I think my appetite has left me again. This pleases me no end.

There have been so many things I’ve wanted to say recently to the people I love, but I can’t because I know it will hurt them.

So I’m just keeping it all inside.

I wake up every morning wondering how I’m going to cope for another day. The tears remain perched behind my eyes, ready to fall at the slightest touch, or familiar voice.

The thought of “I wish I was dead” looms at the forefront of my mind frequently. I just want to sleep. Want this sadness to be over.

But it won’t. So I’m going to make my outside match up to my insides. 60lbs should do it…

This never goes away. Trust me.

thethornswehangonto — Tue, 24 May 2011 22:11:29 +0100

This never goes away. Trust me.

"I was terrified of people, of being disappointed; on a deeper level, I was terrified of appetites in..."

thethornswehangonto — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 22:52:30 +0000

“I was terrified of people, of being disappointed; on a deeper level, I was terrified of appetites in general — emotional and sexual, as well as physical. So I resolved to suppress them instead, squelch them, will them away. If you don’t have any needs, they can’t go unmet.”

- Caroline Knapp (via skirtingtheline)

Photo

thethornswehangonto — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 16:00:09 +0000

I'm scared

thethornswehangonto — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 21:46:35 +0100

Scared that I won’t be able to lose the weight again. Scared that I’ll lose the weight again and not want to stop. Scared that my hair will fall out and my heart will hurt again. Scared that I’ll never eat normally, that I’ll be forever living on 500 calories or less. Scared that I’ll go mad and binge and put all the weight on again.

Scared of failing.

I’m petrified and I can’t live like this.

I’m scared to speak.

thethornswehangonto — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 12:38:54 +0100

I’m scared to speak.

Jump.

thethornswehangonto — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 21:58:07 +0100

Jump.

"There were things I wanted to tell him. But I knew they would hurt him. So I buried them, and let..."

thethornswehangonto — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 21:11:18 +0100

“There were things I wanted to tell him. But I knew they would hurt him. So I buried them, and let them hurt me.”

Pro-Ana Nation

thethornswehangonto — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 21:13:00 +0100

Pro-Ana Nation:

The forums are back up and running at PAN. You may register but your account will not be activated until you receive and respond to an email from the admins. This forum is not for tips and tricks. It is solely for support for those who understand they have a mental illness, yet have chosen not to seek recovery at this current moment in time. This is not a lifestyle. You must be 18 to join.

Noon.

thethornswehangonto — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 11:24:10 +0100

Noon.

Trees.

thethornswehangonto — Sun, 30 May 2010 10:53:25 +0100

Trees.

"A girl calls and asks, “Does it hurt very much to die?” Well, sweetheart, I tell her,..."

thethornswehangonto — Fri, 28 May 2010 21:30:19 +0100

“A girl calls and asks, “Does it hurt very much to die?”
Well, sweetheart, I tell her, yes, but it hurts a lot more to keep living.”

Breathe & deceive.

thethornswehangonto — Thu, 20 May 2010 20:08:02 +0100

Breathe & deceive.

Girl afraid.

thethornswehangonto — Sat, 15 May 2010 21:34:36 +0100

Girl afraid.

I miss my ribs. I miss my hipbones, my chest bones, my collarbones. The space between my legs. The...

thethornswehangonto — Wed, 12 May 2010 21:13:28 +0100

I miss my ribs. I miss my hipbones, my chest bones, my collarbones. The space between my legs. The spine that’s visible from the top to the bottom. The delicate frame, the wrists that fingers wrap easily around. The size small, the 0, the 2. The dwindling numbers. The disappearing.

The control. The safety.

Just stay.

thethornswehangonto — Mon, 10 May 2010 15:32:30 +0100

Just stay.

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known."

thethornswehangonto — Wed, 05 May 2010 22:02:37 +0100

“Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.”

Before the worst.

thethornswehangonto — Sun, 02 May 2010 19:35:32 +0100

Before the worst.

"Tell me, what’s the use of a twenty-four inch waist if you don’t touch me?"

thethornswehangonto — Sun, 02 May 2010 19:30:12 +0100

“Tell me, what’s the use of a twenty-four inch waist if you don’t touch me?”